“I’m so grateful to you, Roma, for giving me something that I didn’t even know was possible.”
“OMG, this work is transformational. Words do it no justice. I’m in awe. Thank you.”
How Good could Parenting Get?
The regret I hear most frequently from the parents I work with is:
“If I’d had any idea how radically different things could be, I would have taken action months / years ago”.
I know from painful experience (read more of my story below) that we tend to get stuck in grimly “getting by”. For months - or even years on end. We’re so stuck in coping with the daily grind that it doesn’t occur to us that another world is possible. Or, probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks, we don’t believe that we’re capable of making that happen.
“The good stuff is for other people” can be the kind of engrained thinking that comes from a childhood where we had to endure sub-optimal conditions for a length of time.
When things have been hard for a long time, humans go into shutdown. We might have varying levels of functionality available to us, but we’re operating within a dulling-down of our emotional faculties. From this place we’re only half-living. We don’t surrender to spontaneous giggling on the sofa. Tender moments of appreciation or vulnerability fade into the past. Even though we love our kids to bits, we notice we’re kinda stiff and holding back the affection we feel for them. And as a result we don’t see that shine in their eyes so often.
Some kids become impossible when they either aren’t getting what they need or are holding trauma from the past. This is actually good. It’s a jarring, excruciating cry for help. One that is too painful and inconvenient to ignore.
Kids are really good at making sure we get them back on track.
Unfortunately conventional solutions are inadequate so you can really go around in circles before you find the guidance that is actually going to make the difference.
So I designed
the 12-Week Parenting Programme
It's long enough to make significant changes - whilst being able to get my input, advice and coaching as you try things out and tweak the tools I suggest to you.
If you know you can turn your family around but could do with an experienced mentor to keep you on track, this is for you.
So well done. You’re here and you’ve found it.
You can put down the exhausting search and just focus on recovery now.
"Roma, I came to you when my son was either completely shut-down or throwing things around, kicking and hitting me, swearing and running off. My relationship with my partner was at breaking point. I was so unhappy I didn’t want to go on."
"I had to write to you to tell you what a difference you made to our lives. Our family is unrecognisable. (My partner) is so much more compassionate, clued-up and patient. (My son) is THE sweetest boy (he always was underneath). I can’t believe it all came down to LISTENING."
What I already know about you...
Happier, more easeful parenting is possible
You're an intelligent, insightful, resourceful parent - what you need is an experienced outside eye, simple implementable tools and being walked through the steps that are needed.
Many participants have commented that, having spent years in therapy, they’re getting to the root of major issues much faster with this somatic, neuroscience-based approach.
In addition, I bring 1,000s of hours of experience working with parents like you and a laser-sharp acuity for zooming into the root of the issues you are facing.
I KNOW you can do this because I have turned around an apparently hopeless situation - where our family and friends had all but given up on us. We felt lonely, isolated, misunderstood and under incredible stress. Nothing - out of the many, many approaches we tried - worked until we found Hand in Hand.
You don't need to struggle on like this any longer. I know from experience that this is the missing piece that takes care of what all the other approaches I know of seem to miss.
What my grateful parents are saying:
“The whole thing has been life-changing and I can’t thank you enough. I’m feeling so much more connected to my son and it has changed everything. I can’t believe it - I’m on a high, It’s been SUCH a shift. I can’t tell you how helpful this is.
The huge progress right now is I’m managing not to shout and becoming more available and my son, who was shut down and isolated from me is now seeking me out for connection”
Maria, single mother
"I was in a place of feeling confused and hurt by my children’s reactivity and responses to me, despite my best efforts. I now have a frame for dealing with my boys in a much more resourced, considerate way. Roma’s compassionate, caring ability to support and attune to me and help me process my emotions opened up space for me to, in turn, give my children more support as and when they need it. Thank you so much, Roma!"
Tony, dad of two
“Last month was tricky ... I was getting helpless again. But now, equipped with all the tools you modelled, I got reminded and started showing up again. Pure & simple. Back on track within days. As soon as I drop one or more of the tools, we get caught up again. But I feel we've really got this. Powerful. For a lifetime.
Not a day goes by when I don’t speak of you. Highly. Always. In fact I cried yesterday listening to a recording of your voice…”
Eileen, adoptive mother
OCD Parent with an intensely oppositional child and an abusive ex
Broken family living in the shadow of “what happened” with a lost, explosive daughter
Early-waking, aggressive, picky-eating 3-year-old getting sent home from nursery
I love a challenge.
If you're thinking, "These stories sound impressive but surely wouldn't work with my particular IMPOSSIBLE family situation"...
I really wanted to excel at parenting. It was really important to me and yet not only did I find it hard, I was actually failing in significant ways that felt out of my control.
I longed for a parenting mentor who would tell me what to do, but most importantly help me regulate the strong feelings that came up in response to situations that felt unmanageable, worrying or upsetting.
When I discovered the Hand In Hand approach it was revelatory. It was like a piece of information and techniques for managing myself and my kids that had been missing.
I could see how other parents around me needed this piece too. And when I started teaching it they were just as grateful as I had been for how much more sane family life was in the light of this approach.
In this video I speak about how isolated, desperate and ashamed I felt with the unpredictable behaviour of a constantly triggered and anxious young child.
I was doing my best to hold it together through willpower but became so stressed I started losing it at my child. And where I needed extra understanding and support from family and friends I experienced judgment and avoidance.
Nothing was helping. Not paediatricians, not clearing geopathic stress and nothing in between!
Scouring the internet for answers, I found Hand In Hand and began the journey towards reclaiming my child and our lives.
My mission is to share this with other struggling parents.
There IS hope.
Life can be wonderful again!
"My 11-year-old was having difficulties with his mental health. He was self-harming, explosive, he had withdrawn into his phone and it was a battle every morning to get him into school. I was tearing my hair out and felt like such a failure. My relationship with his father was breaking down as a result of the stress... I couldn’t give my youngest the attention she needed because I was so overwhelmed."
"I was immediately reassured by Roma’s warm and encouraging advice. I left the first session feeling like I was on cloud 9! It was the first time in months that I’d been able to feel any hope... Over time, she helped me see that things from my childhood were getting in the way of me helping my son. My son is now enjoying life and school. Our relationship is better than it has ever been."
What you get during the 12 weeks
What you keep forever
How it works
We Start with Insight
Over a 75-minute zoom call, I get to know you and map out your history and the unique cluster of circumstances that have led you to this point.
We’ll examine in some depth the underlying reasons for your child’s behaviour and explore the history of your relationship with them.
Most crucially, we’ll create a plan for recovery.
After the Insight Session*, you decide whether you feel confident to go-it-alone in implementing your family's recovery plan or whether you'd like 12 weeks of my experience and support, walking you through the process step by step.Book your 75-min Insight Session
* The cost of your Insight Session is deducted from the 12-Week Programme
(ie it becomes a free session if you decide to go ahead.)
"I've spent much of my life being stubborn and resisting advice from anyone about my personal life (how could they possibly know me well enough to give me advice?!).I knew that I wanted something huge to shift in my relationship with Beth and in my life more broadly, and I knew that it would only happen if I could completely trust in the process and the person guiding me through it. Unfortunately I also knew this wasn't going to happen on the NHS!
Booking an Insight Call with you was a gift to myself on my 45th birthday."
"Every week since we started this process, you've created the most wonderful space of warmth and non-judgment where I’ve felt completely seen, heard and supported. The fact that I've been willing to try out every piece of advice you've given me isn't about willpower or desperation, it's about feeling truly understood by someone with the wisdom and experience to know what they're talking about. And incredibly, I feel that you have somehow 'seen' Beth too, despite never having met her. With your warm encouragement I've really come to believe that an amazing life is achievable for all of us and that we are on our way there."
Here's what we'll do during the 12 Weeks
The programme is online which means you can do it from anywhere in a way that fits in easily around the rest of your life, and allows you to integrate your discoveries and experience their benefits as you go.
Weekly 1-1 Calls
My undivided attention on you for a whole hour each week to walk you step by step through the recovery plan outlined at the Insight Session.
I will give you my opinion on what is causing any difficulties and make practical suggestions to lead you through a step-by-step recovery process. I will also suggest specific directions to explore in your emotional work.
My approach is somatic and trauma-informed and we go deep. I'll help you pinpoint what is underneath your current struggle and suggest ways of working with it with your children. Zoom calls: 60 minutes per week
Recording of Weekly Session
Zoom sessions are recorded so you can revisit them to gain a deeper understanding and harvest the gems.
Weekly Session Notes
A written summary of what emerges in each session.
SOS Anytime Listening
Imagine the healing balm of having a loving, listening ear when it's all too much. You’ll be able to reach out whenever you need it for 5 minutes emergency support. This is one of the most important elements of the programme because it interrupts your established stress pattern and has the ultimate effect of rewiring your nervous system.
Humans are able to make new shifts best through co-regulation. Using connection with another brain to resource you and remind you that all is well will eventually lead to you being able to self-regulate in times of stress. You’ll be added to a VIP Whatsapp group where you can reach out to me and one or two other skilled facilitators whenever you feel overwhelmed or upset. Whatsapp or Phone: 5 minutes, as often as you need
Get my support live, “at the coal face” in an aspect of parenting that you find most difficult - for example setting a limit. You'll have me in one of your earphones whispering the translation for what your child is really communicating and what you can say/do next to get best results.
We do this game-changing session when an opportune moment arises to give you an experience of yourself modelling a gold-standard parental response.You come away with a body-memory of what it feels like to set a limit calmly, warmly and assertively, for example. Believe me, this embodied experience changes everything! You'll be amazed to witness yourself meeting the next situation solo. Whatsapp or Phone: 20 minutes, when you need it most
Cost of the 12-Week Parenting Programme
Join as a Couple
If you join the programme as a couple, you’ll have all the sessions together over the 12 weeks, with the duration of each call extended to 1hr 15 mins. Then to support you individually in your parenting, you will each have access to the SOS Anytime listening, and you’ll have your own Expert-in-your Ear session.
The Insight Session is £250, payble on booking. This amount will be deducted from the fee for the 12-Week Programme.
I also work with some parents over six months, rather than three. This works well if you'd like a longer time-period of consistent support. I can tell you more when we speak.
“My precious N would not have received the support he needed from me to become the incredible, emotionally balanced, good natured, relaxed, confident teenage boy he is If it hadn’t been for my sessions with you.”
“You are a shining light in the world and you have an utterly amazing ability to be present and help people get to and release feelings like no other person I have ever met. You are in a league of your own”
More about this approach